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PYCHOANALYSIS by Surbhi Grover

9/24/2008

Note- Z is pronounced as Zee

Each other’s best friend,
Each other’s worst enemy,
Lived two inseparable identities
High on life A
And not-so-sanguine Z

Life was their favorite
Topic of discussion
How? What? Why?
Let us all see…

A: “Why worry, why bicker
Why always use your head?
Why don’t you let it be for once-”
Z: “And refrain from telling people the truth instead?”
A: “If it so important, then say it boldly,
Why keep everything inside, unsaid?”
Z: “Life is complicated; you do need to think-”
A: “Life is like walking on a tight rope
Tied to poles 10m above the ground
And if you break the balance,
You may fall either in a tub of worries
Or splash out the happiness newly found.”

Z: “You say not to mull over too much,
But shouldn’t I be clear
About what I really need?”
A: “Why do you fold within yourself?
So scared to face life, or make mistakes
And why are you so relentless to alter you flawed creed?”
Z: “If I don’t adhere to one set of beliefs,
How will I know what’s good or bad?”
A: “That, His signals all demonstrate
If it’s not right, you become sad.
Perception of a situation
Is what decides what’s nice and what’s messed.
Maybe He wants you to experience the dire
So that you truly value His best.”

Z: “What if I already have it, the best I could get?
And don’t want to lose the figure of perfection I’ve met?”
A: “Then why close your mind
Still analyze, still fret?”
Hold on to it, don’t take it for granted.”
Z: “But CAN there be someone better?
‘God’s best’ as you said?”
A: “There might be, but can you wait?
Do you really need someone to complete
Your already full plate?”

Z: “But what if I let it go
And it never comes back to me?
I’d be losing the best willingly!”
A: “Why do you have to be so fickle-minded and demarcate
What you should do or not?
There’s too much of unneeded possessiveness, see?
Why do you worry so much about
The future or the past?
And spoil the present, knowingly?
Enjoy what you have NOW,
You can’t stop if it goes away,
But you can surely rejoice
What you have now- today.
You can either cry for yesterday
Or smile for today- your choice.”

Z: “But life still isn’t devoid of anxiety
Isn’t it right to be anxious that time?”
A: “Why do you always have to know
What’s right and what’s slime?
Truthfully, there exists none-
And all is your own rhyme.”
Z: “So you say is my worrying is elective?”
A: “Duh! It won’t change anything,
Just your blissful mind to pensive.
Life if beautiful,
You always already have the best,
You just need to open your eyes to it.
So it’s your choice-
You want to fly with the speed of life
Or ominously sit?”

And on and on it goes-
With A trying to put sense into Z
And I’m the one whose nerves they both get on
‘Cause both of them reside inside me!
Oh damn.
There they go again (oh no)
And I'm way too tired
To listen to another baloney row.
Sigh.

Psychoanalysis by Surbhi Grover

9/14/2008

Note- Z is pronounced as Zee

Each other’s best friend,
Each other’s worst enemy,
Lived two inseparable identities
High on life A
And not-so-sanguine Z

Life was their favorite
Topic of discussion
How? What? Why?
Let us all see…

A: “Why worry, why bicker
Why always use your head?
Why don’t you let it be for once-”
Z: “And refrain from telling people the truth instead?”
A: “If it so important, then say it boldly,
Why keep everything inside, unsaid?”
Z: “Life is complicated; you do need to think-”
A: “Life is like walking on a tight rope
Tied to poles 10m above the ground
And if you break the balance,
You may fall either in a tub of worries
Or splash out the happiness newly found.”

Z: “You say not to mull over too much,
But shouldn’t I be clear
About what I really need?”
A: “Why do you fold within yourself?
So scared to face life, or make mistakes
And why are you so relentless to alter you flawed creed?”
Z: “If I don’t adhere to one set of beliefs,
How will I know what’s good or bad?”
A: “That, His signals all demonstrate
If it’s not right, you become sad.
Perception of a situation
Is what decides what’s nice and what’s messed.
Maybe He wants you to experience the dire
So that you truly value His best.”

Z: “What if I already have it, the best I could get?
And don’t want to lose the figure of perfection I’ve met?”
A: “Then why close your mind
Still analyze, still fret?”
Hold on to it, don’t take it for granted.”
Z: “But CAN there be someone better?
‘God’s best’ as you said?”
A: “There might be, but can you wait?
Do you really need someone to complete
Your already full plate?”

Z: “But what if I let it go
And it never comes back to me?
I’d be losing the best willingly!”
A: “Why do you have to be so fickle-minded and demarcate
What you should do or not?
There’s too much of unneeded possessiveness, see?
Why do you worry so much about
The future or the past?
And spoil the present, knowingly?
Enjoy what you have NOW,
You can’t stop if it goes away,
But you can surely rejoice
What you have now- today.
You can either cry for yesterday
Or smile for today- your choice.”

Z: “But life still isn’t devoid of anxiety
Isn’t it right to be anxious that time?”
A: “Why do you always have to know
What’s right and what’s slime?
Truthfully, there exists none-
And all is your own rhyme.”
Z: “So you say is my worrying is elective?”
A: “Duh! It won’t change anything,
Just your blissful mind to pensive.
Life if beautiful,
You always already have the best,
You just need to open your eyes to it.
So it’s your choice-
You want to fly with the speed of life
Or ominously sit?”

And on and on it goes-
With A trying to put sense into Z
And I’m the one whose nerves they both get on
‘Cause both of them reside inside me!
Oh damn.
There they go again (oh no)
And I'm wway too tired
To listen to another baloney row.
Sigh.

Cowardness by Surbhi Grover

9/13/2008

“I love you”, he says,
Any girl’s dream comes true.
But it breaks my heart
When he says that to me
Why?
He looks at me with different eyes
The look any girl would envy
But it breaks my heart
When he sees me
Why?
’Cause I tried
I tried too hard
To love him the same way he did
But I couldn’t
It just wasn’t the same.
When distance increased,
He assured me he’s still there
With me, for me
And I need him too
But I still have to tell him.
And now its too late.
Or it’ll break his heart-again,
This time more painfully
And I don’t want that
‘Cause I do love him,
Just not the same way,
But I do
He’s my perfect best friend,
My angel, my all
And it breaks my heart
To see how I break his
And that day,
When he cried
‘Cause the distance was at its peak,
And he missed me,
I cried too,
Not ‘cause I missed him
But ‘cause I love him
And I was hurting him.
He still doesn’t know
The real reason
And is happy in a realistic illusion
And it breaks my heart
To see him still love me the same
Why?
I don’t deserve him,
He’s every girl’s dream
But I just couldn’t fall in love
With a person I made my best friend.
I won’t tell him
Why?
’Cause I’m selfish
I don’t want to lose my perfect friend
Why?
’cause he makes me feel so good
Why does he do that?
’Cause he loves me
And it kills me.
He tells me not to worry
Why doesn’t he punish me?
’cause he knows not
The real way I look at him
Why don’t I tell him?
’cause I do love him
Just not the same way
And it breaks my heart
‘Cause I know he won’t
Be able to bear it
But I can’t bear it either
I don’t deserve his tears,
His worry, his love
No, I don’t.
If I do love him,
I should tell him the truth,
Choosing the truth over the perfection
We’re living in right now
I will.
But when? How?
He still believes my still hidden lie
On which this whole thing built up
And ‘cause he loves me, I cry.

I BELIEVE by Surbhi Grover

8/5/2007

When all looks amiss
And nobody seems to care,
When life seems intolerable
And nothing looks fair,

God, I find in you, my solace
I believe you would liberate me
Of my forever rising qualms
And make me blithe as blithe can be.

When life looks a tortuous path
With no one leading ahead,
When deceitful people besiege around,
And fill me up with horror and dread,

God, I find in you, my friend
I believe you would protect me
From the atrocious folks
And make me as exultant as exultant can be.

When fear grips over tight
And threaten to agonize time and again,
When all hope seems lost
And all looks futile and vain,

God, I find in you, my hero
I believe you would bestow me
With faith and optimism
And make me as triumphant as triumphant can be.

When hurt and betrayal are on large
All I hear is my faults and quibble,
When my views seem inapt
And ignorance is not possible,

God, I find in you, my savior
I believe you would save me
From all evil in the world
And make me as robust as robust can be.

Make me yours and I will be
A present of sorrows deprive
I believe you are always here
And this belief keeps me alive.

SMILE by Surbhi Grover

8/5/2007

Smile because it’s contagious
Smile because it’s healing
Smile because it makes people wonder
What you’re thinking.

Smile innocently to hide the guilt
Smile mischievously to make others skeptic.
Smile lovingly to butter up the retaliator
Smile dreamingly to make others lovesick.

Smile because it’s raining
Smile because you’re tickled.
Smile because you’re happy
Smile because you’re idle.

Smile affectionately to show your love
Smile smugly as you’ve done your work.
Smile pleadingly to get what you want
Smile forgivingly to pardon the jerk.

Smile because you’re confused
Smile because you’re lost without a plan.
Smile because you want to
And smile just because you can!

SUFFOCATION by Surbhi Grover

8/5/2007

Don’t you agree
That this world is a cruel place?
Treacherous people everywhere
People having two faces.

Who to believe, who to trust
Who is the friend, who the foe.
People don’t talk lest not use
They stop, use and then go.

People are rude and uncouth
This world is full of fakes.
No one wants to admit
They can be wrong or make mistakes.

“Friendly” is a word
Snickered at, these days
Why are people unreal
And untruthful always?

People have gained
A lot of ego and self-worth
Is there any value
Other than betrayal or hurt?

People seem to be depraved,
Evil and cruel.
Why do they lie,
Miff or yell?

People once friends
Now have become strangers;
Who once protected us,
Now have opened gates for dangers.

Why do people smirk
Or carp about others?
No candor left,
Just showering a curse.

Tears have no value,
Are laughed upon instead.
Words remain inside,
Truth left unsaid.

Why do people go down
Instead of rising in pride?
Why in times of need,
Do all “friends” subside?

Reliance, faith, trust
Are they just words?
Phrases of love, assurance
And friendship, now unheard.

Why do people select
Others by appearance?
Doesn’t personality matter
Or do they just like to prance?

Why is forgiveness
Replaced by laughter?
Making fun of others,
Is that what everyone is after?

Own opinions are right
Rest, all wrong.
Except themselves,
Does anyone else belong?

Don’t you now agree
This world is a cruel stage?
Is it really true
Or is it just teen age?

LIFE by Surbhi Grover

8/5/2007

Ever wanted to cry and yell and never stop?
And let out your pain by a teardrop?
Well, this is life; don’t think it’s the end
Sadness here, you’ll get happiness round the next bend

Never let anyone befall you
But to yourself, always be true
You get one life live it to the fullest
You won’t get another; make this the best

You’re a strong person, you know that too
Cause you’ve lived it all through
If you don’t say “why me?” when you’re glad
Why say it then when you’re sad?

You’re born to live and not living cause you’re born
Be happy always never mourn
Forget the past, its history
Forget the future, it’s a mystery

If you make a mistake, learn from it
Don’t be dependent, don’t expect
You’re the only one who can cheer you
Don’t make yourself wait long too

Get over it and move on
Don’t drool upon it, its gone
Don’t be scared, walk proudly
Your head held high, you should be

Go on the and show them all
What you’re worth and that you’re not small.

YOU, MY FRIEND, MAKE MY LIFE SPECIAL... by Surbhi Grover

8/5/2007

Like a smile on a face
Like a rainbow in the sky
Like a flower in a vase
Like a twinkle in the eye,
You, my friend, make my life special…

On a gloomy day, when you talk
You make me happy
Some secrets when we unlock,
You make me feel free
You, my friend, make my life special…

You share my dreams, my hope, and my sorrows
You share my life with me
To me, as my skin, you are close
You are a part of my family tree
You, my friend, make my life special…

You are a part of my soul
More valuable than the most rare birds
In my life, you have a special role
You cannot be described in words
You, my friend, make my life special…

You are a gift, a blessing from God
You are a priceless treasure
You make me understand with a nod,
I hope we’ll be friends forever
You, my friend, make my life special…
Just by being a part of it.

THE TRUTH ABOUT ME by Surbhi Grover

8/29/2008

I want to change myself
But that seems impracticable
The truth dawns quite late
When realization doesn’t suffice.
‘Cause people have already accepted me
For what I acted or pretended to be.

Even if I feel remorseful,
It won’t work, I know.
Just asking for help won’t get me love
The love I threw away for show.
‘Cause people have already accepted me
For what I acted or wanted to be.

I was lucky to have such angelic friends
But was I true for my part?
I thought I had to be wanted,
Did I make anyone else feel the same?

I don’t seem to take interest
For what others have to say,
How can I be so selfish
And still look so gay?

I seem to give up every time,
People make a gesture to show,
That they’ve already accepted me
For what I acted or pretended to be.

Ignorance is not an option,
But the past threatens to humiliate
I just ask for a last chance,
To make my life better without hate.

Love is difficult to find,
And I overlooked which I got.
I sought to get love from those I hurt,
Which is asking a lot.

Words once spoken, cannot be taken back,
And I’m lost in this world of right, wrong and the truth.
‘Cause people have already accepted me
For what I acted or pretended to be.

I want to make a difference
But it goes the wrong way,
The effort I make to be as friendly,
Just evaporates away.

I’ve asked too much from myself
But I promise I won’t give up,
‘Cause I want people to see
Who I really am.

HERO by Surbhi Grover

8/29/2008

Horror struck faces swam
The people gathering around,
As the pale white face of their hero,
Covered with blood was found.

The sight struck their heart
The dead form of their hero here.
The survivors were shattered
Their hopes gone and hearts refilled with fear.

Truth was starting to dawn in
The war yet to be fought,
They couldn’t give up now,
They had to face the atrocious lot.

But the real hero,
Was it taken away when he died?
Each survivor learnt that day,
That within them too, a hero lied.

IS IT TOO LATE? by Surbhi Grover

8/29/2008

Maybe it’s too late
For what I’ve got to say
Long time has passed
Since I have been away.

I’ve been a jerk
And messed up too much
But here I am again,
Hoping to repossess your touch.

Things were on my mind
But now I’m all clear
I can’t stop thinking about you,
And I want to be here…

Here…with you, if you give me a chance
A last chance to do right at last
We can start all over again,
Even relive our past.

I promise I’ll do my best,
‘Cause I want this to work out,
I know I’ve not really been a princess,
But I want you to know that you’re someone I can’t do without.

You may ask why,
Why this sudden change of view.
The answer is, I realized,
How much I’m in love with you.

Maybe it’s too late
And you’d just like to be my friend.
But I want to tell you that this time,
Good things won’t come to an end…

E.T. PHONE HOME! by Surbhi Grover

8/29/2008

Those beautiful eyes, that naughty smile,
That distinct walk,
That friendly talk,
Made my heart skip a beat
(Like a typical high school crush)
That unreal exchange of heat,
Really made me blush

And then the first week of December,
I will always remember;
Came to my class your sister and friend,
And even though I chose to control and pretend,
I couldn’t have been happier
To know that my feelings were returned
And a brand new love I earned.

For seven and a half months thereafter,
Into my first real relationship,
From dates to tight hugs and perfect kisses,
We grew emotionally closer and closer.
Even though I was frank with you,
(All our long ‘philosophical’ talks)
I guess I was confused too;
With you being almost 3 years older,
And my parents insecure,
My mind grew hesitant faster and faster.

I told you all my fears and doubts
(Also my most embarrassing moments)
I poured my soul out.
And so, as I grew
Closer to you,
I grew weaker inside too.

Just because I had someone to cry with,
I became too emotionally dependent,
This at this age meant,
(To my inbuilt and weak mind)
A time I’d later repent.

And no, it was never your fault,
You bestowed and smothered me with love,
At every stage, every halt
I turned to you only, and no one else
And forgot about all the rest.
The guilt, the weakness,
The dependence and subsequently sadness,
All pressed.

The guilt was more,
To have loved you a lot (peacock infinity)
Even more than my own family
But you were still there,
Speaking sense into me.

You did everything to make me feel great,
And you succeeded most of the time,
But the thing wasn’t to feel good,
But to stand on my own feet and shine.

I guess I just wasn’t ready
To have indulged into what I did,
And I’m sorry (really) I made you
Suffer for this realization.
I’m still maturing,
I’m still a 14- year old kid.

I’m too small for such a serious relationship,
My dad said, I agreed.
I had to be strong and independent
(A stage you’d already passed)
And not blindly follow your creed.

After all this time being away,
I think I have found the right way,
But I’ve hurt you again and again
When all that was wrong
Was my stupid disillusioned brain.

I don’t know what to say more,
Why don’t you shout at me? Yell? Insult? Ignore?
I deserve punishment from you,
But you still stick by my side like before.

You try so hard, so hard
To show me you’re perfectly fine
Can’t you tell that I know,
That I broke your heart more than I broke mine?

You say you enjoy flirting now too,
But through your acts, I can still see
You’re making it all up, covering
And this makes me feel more and more guilty.

You say you still love me,
Why, why, WHY?
I know I made you cry
So how can you still see me eye to eye?

I may take time to grow up,
So please don’t wait for me,
Not for the first time too,
I’ve spoilt too much already.

I want you to be happy,
(I may be selfish, but I still care)
live life and be free.
Maybe tomorrow you’ll fond someone
A thousand times better than a promise-breaker like me.

I never wanted ‘to get rid of you’
Believe me, I never planned this end.
I still want my perfect angel with me,
As my very special friend.

We can still hold hands, have fun and hug
Every once in a while.
But how much time will this awkwardness between us
Take to go away and for us to reconcile?
Really, you were always fabulous to me,
And I hope when reminiscence takes over,
None of us forgets to smile...

Carz by Surbhi Grover

8/28/2007

Style, speed, looks, luxury,
That’s what cars define.
Zooming through the roads,
Gleaming in the sunshine

Dream of every man,
Is Mitsubishi, Lamborghini or a Ford,
Giving him instant status,
Declaring him the Lord

Sports car, luxury car,
For comfort or for show;
Cars seem to be a must,
So get ready, set and go!

MUZIK by Surbhi Grover

8/26/2007

Bang, slam, clap, thump
That’s how it all goes.
The headphones of every teen,
The full-on volume stereos.

Rock, jazz, pop, rap
That’s what keeps us elated.
Listening to hard-to-decipher songs
And leaving all parents irritated.

Lost in our own world,
You may call us all a lunatic.
But this is the age to rock,
In the world of modern music!

Boredom by Surbhi Grover

8/26/2007

Here I am, AGAIN
Getting bored like hell.
People are singing and dancing,
And me? Oh well…

I’m thinking about people
PEOPLE, as in who ever
Some are nuts and some are great,
And some…just whatever.

See, SOMETHING happens
When boredom strikes me.
I’ll tell you what it is,
It’s INSANITY.

Ok, enough of non sense
That’s also quite boring.
I just have no choice
Except to get on with my snoring.

E.T. Phone Home! by Surbhi Grover

8/25/2008

Void by Surbhi Grover

8/11/2007

Something is definitely broken,
Some piece of this jigsaw is lost.
The tête-à-tête is no longer the same,
The words are gone which were once embossed.

Do you also feel the difference?
Do you realize this unspoken gap?
The words and the tenor are now discreet
And the air of blithe is now a wrap.

It’s weird, this distance,
An intolerable sensation
Of this unknown hate,
This unplanned separation.

The tears can’t stop it,
The anger can’t impede.
Ignorance takes over everything
And the ego takes the lead.

Fate has shown the way,
Am I supposed to turn back?
Do I fill this space of love
Which we now undeniably lack?

I can say I’m used to it now,
But I can’t pretend my own thirst
For everything to be the way it was,
Wishing for everything to be reversed…

Memories-Letting Go by Surbhi Grover

7/4/2007

It’s hard to let go
And not reliving the memory.
And it hurts to know
That they won’t ever come back to me.

When 24/7 they hog the mind
And bring a reminiscent smile on the face.
The words of expression are hard to find
Just that those times are hard to replace.

But it’s also important to be
Ready for many more memories life would give.
So do come out of this bitter-sweet reverie
Let’s not just be stuck in the past and live.

Not forgetting the times shared
Live on with life and make each moment
A new memory to cherish and care
And not a time which later we’d repent.

You Make Me Sick by Surbhi Grover

7/3/2007

I can’t believe I had loved you once
You’re so disgusting, I know now.
I’ve learnt your sordid ways of life
And I’m finally over you somehow.

Having cigarettes when you’re just 13
Drinking whole day long and being high
Snuffling even in the class
You’re seriously a sickening guy.

Not even having the nerve to say the truth
I don’t know how you call this life of yours fantastic.
Watching you change girls like clothes
You just make me so sick!

Hesitation by Surbhi Grover

7/24/2007

Looking at your face,
Yet not able to talk
Why do I hesitate?
And why away do you walk?

Every time I plan to say hi,
It doesn’t seem to be
But why don’t YOU come,
Have you totally forgotten me?

Something is broken
But no, I’m not desperate
To join it back in
Or to dissolve this unknown hate.

Still, after all this time,
Of ignorance and despair,
I want you to know
That I still care.